Animals

The best animals are those belonging to someone else. No, I don’t dislike animals, but once they are in your life, they are bad. They keep you tied down, and demand to be fed and loved and cared for. You ask them questions out loud, and put an answer in their mouths when they haven’t said a word. We give them personalities. “He’s stubborn”, or “She’s in a bad mood today.”

Animals are the new humans, and that is far beyond what is meant to be. We have come to the conclusion that humans are too complicated and too hard to deal with. We will just get a pet. After all, they are loyal and love unconditionally. They seem glad to see you no matter what you have been doing while gone. They don’t care if you are sloppy; in fact they may prefer it. If social media is to be believed, pets are a greater source of anger if mistreated than if humans are. An abused animal is the subject of many more posts than that of people. Abusing any living thing is wrong, but isn’t there an order of importance?

Animals can be therapeutic, but so can humans. It’s true, people often talk too much, often doing more harm than good. Humans are complicated, but they offer something animals can’t: the presence of a human being. If a man can’t get a date without carrying a cute puppy, then he is lacking something. If a woman puts her poodle before a man, then all three need help. We have lost too much of human relationships, so we give up on them. I know this won’t likely be popular. Don’t let your dog read this. He may become angry and bite me. If that happens, then at least you and I will have something to talk about.

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